You ever get that feeling like you know someone out there is watching what you do and criticizing you? Criticizing every move you make, every word you say, every false step and mistake, laughing at what they do better than you, thinking they're smarter than you, telling other people to be weary of you. Ever get that feeling? I have all too much as of late, I know there's someone out there that I don't know judging me because there always is, but what's worse is when you know that there are tons and tons of people out there that you DO know who are judging you, people you may have cared about, people you may have been friends with and they're talking you down. They don't really want anything Yo do with you yet they put on a smile and put up with you for who knows why, maybe they think they can get something from you...
This is all going to be a bit personal, turn off the computer now if you'd like. I'm stuck and that feeling has really been bothering me. It's like a feeling of helplessness that I can't get away from and I can see all of these other people going on and doing things and I'm stuck in the same place. Does anyone care? No, not really, but I want to get away from this town, the only thing that I have here is my amazing girlfriend, but more or less I want to get away from this sludge of a town. This place that inhibits and shackles and drags and beats down until you have no spirit left. This place with it's horrible people and their horrible obsessions. I've always been one to want to "go it alone" if you will. I have a need for companionship as is human nature but I enjoy my time to reflect and create and I feel as though I get none of that here. I want to begin my life and start something, start creating something that matters to me and I can't do that being stuck. I thought I could go off and start that in Lincoln and meet new people to refresh my mind and spirit, but now I can't, who knows if there's anywhere where I could REALLY do that though. I don't wanna see people go off and make something of themselves with me just left behind to wallow anymore.
Okay, more things that matter. First off, I've been reading a lot about these underground attempts to stop Scientology and other dangerous cults and I'm all for it. I think that all dangerous, brainwashing cults should be put to an end. No more of these power hungry and money hungry organizations hiding behind the guise of "religion" they should all be brought down. Scientology promotes censorship (like so many other groups) and claim that they are the only ones who can truly cure disease. They keep their members away from medication outside of the church, they don't support psyciatric treatment outside of the church and have been known to kill members for speaking out against the church. This sounds just as dangerous as other "religious" sects and have no place. I agree with the movement that has, ironically, started on 4chan. Another thing is the environment, I have been a vegetarian for some time now and I believe that not eating the flesh of another living creature could drastically help the planet. So much land is deforested for the farming of cattle and not only do cattle make the ground barren and unfertile, but cows produce more methane than most things on the planet and that leads to a higher greenhouse effect. Also, by eating meat you are just feeding a unjust, inhumane and unsanitary business. Cows, chickens and pigs are some of the most horrifically treated animals on the planet, they are crawling with disease and are viscously slaughtered after a life of hormones and torture. There are so many diseases in meat from industrial farms that the worlds largest and most deadly outbreak of salmonella is only a matter of time. Industrial farms and packing plants polite the water and the air and add to world hunger. A cow eats 50 times more than a person and will only feed the rich few lucky enough to afford the meat. All of the grain produced to feed a cow could feed a ridiculously large number of people and significantly cut down on world hunger. The health benefits are there too, fatty meats are unhealthy, really vegetarianism ia the way to go. There are so many other mistreatments or animals (such as the skinning of live dogs in China, another reason not to wear fur, you don't know what it is) but I won't talk about that now.
I suppose I'll do a few recommendations now that I'm done ranting. Album this time is Dark Night of the Soul by Sparklehorse, this album was produced by Danger Mouse and features a ton of guest artists from all over the musical spectrum, even David Lynch is on this album. It's dark and brooding but it's a great disc. Movie, movie, movie, movie... For my movie I'm going to say City Lights, it's a classic Chaplain film that has a great message about the rich and the poor rift. It's a classic of the silent film era and worth a watch.
Anyway, there you go, a long rant about my fragile mental state and a few things I believe in. Tell anyone that is fake to fuck off and have a good one!
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