The Forty-fourth Explosion-- Another Damn Script?

Yeah, another damn script that I wrote, hope you think it's funny...


(Phone rings)


Operator: (calm) Hello, 9-11, what's your emergency?


Girl: (nervous) Hello... it... it's my boyfriend... I...


Operator: (calm) Ma'am, please tell me what happened


Girl: (crying) My... my boyfriend... he... he's been shot... I think he's dead! (intense sobbing)


Operator: (calm) Ma'am, please tell me what happened


Girl: (crying) We were just walking... it was a beautiful day... he... he said he had to tell... tell me something... (intense sobbing)


Operator: (calm) Ma'am, please calm down


Girl: (intense sobbing)


Operator: (stern) Ma'am, I need to know the details, please calm down


Girl: (calmer, nervous) We... we were walking... and... this... this little kid in a diaper... he came out of the bushes... oh God!...


Operator: (calm) Go on...


Girl: (more nervous) he... he came out of the bushes... and... shot him with an arrow!...


Operator: (calm) Where are you now ma'am?


Girl: (crying) So... so... much blood!... so... much blood! (intense sobbing)


Operator: (stern) Ma'am, tell me where you are so I can send help


Girl: (calm) Wait!... what's that!


Operator: (stern) Ma'am...


Girl: (angry) Hold on!... I see him!...


Operator: (angry) Ma'am, stay on the line, don't approach him!


Girl: (silence)


Operator: (angry) Ma'am?


Girl: (slience)


Operator: (worried) Ma'am are you still there?


Girl: (silence)


Operator: (very worried) Ma'am... answer me!


Girl: (scared) I went after him!... he started shooting at me!... I think I'm safe now!


Operator: (scared) Tell me where you are ma'am


Girl: (calm) Eisenhower Park


Operator: (calmer) Help will be there shortly ma'am, please stay on the line


Girl: (angry) Wait!... I see him again!


Operator: (worried) Ma'am!


Girl: (silence)


Operator: (angry) Ma'am!


Girl: (in the background) Get back here you little bastard!


(Phone disconnects)


Operator: (stunned) ...Ma'am?...






(Phone rings)


Operator: (calm) 9-11, what's your emergency?


Boy: (high pitched, worried) Hello, this is Cupid!


Operator: (cam) Sir, what's your emergency?


Cupid: (out of breath) I'm being chased by a crazy bitch!


Operator: (calm) Sir, please tell me what happened


Cupid: (out of breath) I was just... out in the woods... doin' my job... he was in love wit' her!


Operator: (calm) Who was in love with who sir?


Cupid: (nervous) I didn't mean to kill no one man! (crying)


Operator: (stern) Who did you kill sir? tell me what happened!


Cupid: (scared) Then that crazy bitch started chasin' me around!... She got my bow!... been shootin' at me!


Operator: (worried) Sir...


Cupid: (scared) It was supposed to be for love!


Operator: (worried) Sir...


Cupid: (scared) Ahhh Shit!... Here she comes again!


Girl: (screaming in the background) I'll get you! you little bastard!


(Phone disconnects)


Operator: (worried) Sir?... Sir?...

There it is, in all of it's glory or what not...
ANYWAY, recommendations shall we?

So, here we go! The album Actor by St. Vincent is my album of choice for this post.  St. Vincent got her start with Sufjan Stevens, it's a wonderful album that should be listened to and my film recommendation is District 9 which is a sci-fi film set in South Africa about a race of aliens who get stuck on Earth and treated as second class citizen and forced into slums.  The whole film plays out as a metaphor for apartheid but still has the ridiculous action sequences of a standard sci-fi film.

But there we go, another one down the drain! Take it easy! 

The Twentieth Word-- Unlucky Bastards

Hey Hey y'all, it's Friday the 13th (not the horror movie)... and it's your unlucky day!!!  Why's that?  because I'm going to post another short comedy script for your viewing pleasure...

HERE WE GO!!

 (Open on a room full of people all talking and partying, the door opens in walks a man with long black hair, jeans, a black t-shirt.)

Ron: (in a deep gravely voice) Hey everybody

Everybody: Hey Ron!

(Ron spots a girl in the corner that he doesn’t know and moves over to her.)

Ron: (in a deep, indifferent voice) Hey, I’m Ron… who are you?

Shelley: (uninterested) Uhh… Hi, I’m Shelley…

Ron: (unchanged) So… what are you into?  I like Death Metal, and Doom Metal… and Thrash Metal and Black Metal… and Power Metal and Nu Metal… really any kind of metal… (short pause, thinking) aluminum, steel, iron… brass… nickel… PVC and various plastics… (short pause) really any building materials… brick… (Shelley leaves without Ron noticing) wood… wood’s always nice… concrete… stone, you know… (pauses to think) marble… limestone… granite… sandstone… monzonite… slate, you know… (pauses) diamond… uhhh…. (looks to where Shelley was) hey, where’d you go? (looks around and takes off)

sorry for that being so lame, I just wanted to get a post in on Friday the 13th... hate me if you want...

For some reason this interests me too... http://www.imdb.com/news/ni10551500/

apparently they're selling the car Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (it actually runs) at an auction and Dick Van Dyke was the last to drive it... and look what else they're auctioning, pretty sick!

The Ninth Song-- A Bit of Comedy

So since I haven't done anything in a day or so, here's a short comedy skit script I wrote a while ago...

(Scene opens on a tennis court, two people playing tennis and minding their own business, when from the distances we see a man approaching, he enters the court and the two tennis players stop and turn to look at him.  He’s carrying a badminton racket, is wearing a polo shirt and has a sweater tied around his neck, he has kaki shorts on and a headband and wristbands.  His hair is long and in a ponytail and he’s wearing aviator sunglasses.)

Badminton Man: (cocky) I see you bitches is enjoyin’ some badminton.

Tennis player 1: (surprised) Uhh… no… this is tenni…

Badminton Man: (interrupting) Mmm, y’all may have come here to play some badminton, but I came here to play the BADDESTminton!

(The two tennis players give each other a look that says they think Badminton man is an idiot)

Badminton Man: (cocky) Now… which one ‘a you bitches is first?

(The two tennis players look at each other again)

Tennis player 1: (indifferent, taking a step forward) yeah, sure, I’ll go.

(They begin to play tennis, start montage, the tennis player does a good job as Badminton Man runs around swinging wildly at the ball with his badminton racket as it repeatedly goes past him.  Badminton Man grows noticeably frustrated.)

Badminton Man: (out of breath but still cocky) Uhhh… Good game… one day you’ll learn to play kid… it was close… keep playin’, you’ll get there…

Tennis Player 1: (slightly confused) But, I wo…

Badminton Man: (interrupting again) now on to you! (Points his racket at the other player)

Tennis Player 2: (indifferent, shrugging) Yeah, sure, whatever…

(Another montage of Badminton man running and flailing wildly as he misses tennis balls or hits them in the wrong directions.)

Badminton Man: (extremely out of breath) Good try, good try… I… think you were better than your… bitch ass friend over there… keep practicing… you’ll get to my level one day…

Tennis Player 2: (still indifferent) Uh-huh, yeah, well it was nice meeting you I guess, but we’re gonna go…

(The two tennis players pack up their stuff and leave the courts.)

Tennis Player 1: (yelling back) See ya’ later JACK ASS!

(Badminton Man stands in the court mentally congratulating himself on a job well done, not paying attention to who is approaching.)

Unknown Person: (yelling, equally cocky) So… you think you play some BADminton eh?

(Badminton man turns and looks at the man, the tension is thick, even the two tennis players stop and turn back.  Camera does a full body pan from head to toe of this man.  He’s wearing sandals, extremely tight jeans, a black vest and aviator glasses; he has a long piece of straw sticking out of his mouth.  He’s holding his badminton racket over his shoulder.  The tennis players move up to the fence to watch the showdown.)

Unknown Person: (still cocky) Looks like I’m gonna have to send you back to Switzerland boy…

Badminton Man: (Noticeably angry, eyes squinted, close up on face) you KNOW I’m not from Switzerland… Dennis!

Dennis: (shocked, turns to angry and takes off his glasses sharply, close up on face) Mmmm… it’s on, ain’t it?

(Both walk out onto the court slowly, quick glance at the tennis players watching intently.  Dennis picks up one of the balls from the side of the court and serves… it hits the net… Badminton man then tries and it goes over but Dennis misses… many scenes of them both repeatedly missing the ball and flailing and running around wildly.)

Dennis: (suddenly, throws down his racket, triumphant) I did it! I won!

Badminton Man: (appalled) like HELL you did!

Dennis: (defensive) No way man, I totally got more points than you!

Badminton Man: Now way! (yells over to the tennis players) HEY! WHO WON?

Tennis Player 1: (yelling back) Who cares! You both suck! You’re not even playing badminton dip shit!

(Both men pause, then begin to argue over one another about how they won, eventually pushing one another and getting into a fist fight.)

Tennis Player 2: (turning to tennis player 1) I dunno about you, but I’m ready to go, these guys are idiots.

Tennis Player 1: Yes, let’s get out of here.

(The two tennis players walk away from the court leaving Badminton man and Dennis wrestling in the background.)

So if you hate it, I'm sorry, if you don't awesome... but that's all for now... good night