The Thirty-fifth Shit-- Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots (In Disguise)

So... The third Transformers film came out recently and we all know what THAT means!! More whiny Shia LeBeouf, more overly sexualized 20 something girl (only this time it's NOT Megan Fox!), more explosions, more lame jokes and more giant robot beat downs! The most important thing though, is more of the big budget, blockbuster, explosion, CGI filled action film directing of Michael Bay, the director that gave us such gems as Armageddon, Bad Boys, Mystery Men and Coyote Ugly (right?).

ANYWAY, we're onto the third in the epic robot trilogy, this one so wonderfully titled Transformers: Dark of The Moon.  NOW, I have not seen this film, I do not plan on seeing this film (unless I see it on DVD somewhere down the line), but I can make assumptions as to how it is (and how bad it is), based on the other Transformer films.

Now, I'm going to do a run down of the Transformers films...  first in the trilogy is the 2007 film Transformers.  If you were like me, when you heard about this project way back in '07, you were thinking, "what the fuck? they're making a film about Transformers? like those little toys I played with when I was little?" (because you probably didn't see the cartoon unless you were either in your 30s or in your 10s after the film came out).  Even though it sounded weird though, you thought you'd check it out... and you did.  The other thing you probably questioned upon hearing it was Shia LaBeouf's role in the movie (considering that before this film made him an action star, he was a kid on the Disney channel).  Now that I have all of those thoughts out of the way, on to the film.  Transformers was one of those movies that was actually very interesting.  The CGI didn't make you want to completely vomit, the action was well done and it's Transformers, who DIDN'T wanna see gigantic transforming space robots fight one another?  You could even overlook some of the bad shit, like the horrible Bush spoof used for comedy that will be outdated in a year, the really lame sex jokes, the fact that a lot of the transformers had giant metal bug faces, the overuse of Megan Fox conveniently bending over in barely any clothes, how purely retarded and oblivious the parents were and Shia LaBeouf's bitchy whiny bitch-ness.  You could probably overlook how lame the term "AllSpark" was and how many times they felt they needed to say it.  This movie had it's redeeming qualities, it had a pretty cool fight scene to finish it off and it was actually decently executed.  However, it has major major flaws that just make it awful.  Other than the ones that you overlooked were, the relentless product placement (eBay, Mountain Dew, GM, fucking everything was plugged in this film!), another thing is the lame acting (John Turturro played a very annoying character, Shia LaBeouf played and even more annoying character and Megan Fox didn't really have to act, just look like Angelina Jolie and be exploited).  The movie was sabotaged with shit to sell tickets, when in all actuality just having a bunch of giant fucking robots would probably have been enough to sell tickets (dumb asses!), I would say if you're gonna watch a Transformers movie, make it the first one, otherwise don't bother.

The second film in this beautiful series of explosion filled films is titled Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen (2009).  In this film the Deceptacons revive their dead leader Megatron and try to get some shit and destroy the Earth and Sun and some shit, I don't care.  THIS time though, they're following some other long lost evil robot called The Fallen! (ooooh, aaaaaah).  This film has a lot of what the last film had girls being over-sexualized, explosions, robots, fighting, the military, yadda yadda, except THIS one had parts in Egypt and a robot broke out of the pyramids! (ooooh, aaaaah).  I dunno, really this film was a lot worse than the first one (I know, crazy right?).  It's a sequel and didn't really need to be made.  It had less impressive CGI, less of a decent plot but the same lame jokes (this time they weren't as sexual though).  In fact, this film was such a pathetic sequel I only saw it once and don't really remember it, I dunno, I don't have much to say except it made me angry that a Transformer could turn into a person, I'm pretty sure they could never copy organic things (AND she had a giant snake knife come out of her ass).  I dunno, I wouldn't watch it but you'll do what you want.

And now the third one Transformers: Dark of The Moon (2011).  I'll say this if it's anything like the second... I will not see it, if it's anything like the first on... I will not see it.  This one has more alien robots and a plot! That I won't see, or read!! So yeah! All that!  One thing I WILL say is that, after she left the franchise, Megan Fox said that she didn't like the way Michael Bay treated her and over-sexualized her (I know right?), but the new girl they cast in her place was a Victoria's Secret model who has worked with Bay before, that must means she's more willing to be made into that? Who knows.  All I know is that Shia LaBeouf was reported saying that that's just Bay's way of doing things, making females sex symbols.


But there it is, a quickie about giant fighting alien robots.  If you loved the films and disagree with me, let me know, I dig the feedback!

Now for some good shit!  My album recommendation today is The Knife by The Knife, it's Swedish electronica so if you're into that electric sound and dig foreigners singing, this one's for you, check it out.  My movie for today is... No Country For Old Men by the Coen Brothers, the film is about a cowboy who finds a large sum of drug money and gets chased by a mercenary.  It's excellent and brutal, if you like Westerns and shit, check out this one here.

But there she is, in all her glory, my next blog post... after telling you all that I wouldn't do anymore... have a happy Saturday and enjoy life (especially if you're not being flooded).